New Recruits
by Bleachfan1015
Summary: A series of one-shots showing Ichigo's various attempts to train his squad's yearly new recruits. You've got to feel bad for those poor kids.
1. Manners?

Chapter 1: Manners?

Ichigo took a deep breath, preparing himself for his speech. Before him stood the first ever group of new recruits he had ever gotten, seeing as it was his first year as a captain.

They stood in the squad five training ground in five rows of five, forming a perfect square. All were fresh from the Academy. All of them were eager to get started.

Most had the rough fetchers or stiff stances that signified them as one time Rukongai citizens. Scattered among them were the smooth skin and regal stances of three or four nobles. They were all awaiting what their new captain had to say to them with eager anticipation.

Ichigo released the breath he had been holding and began.

"Alright newbie's! As of this moment you are officially a member of squad five. Under no circumstances, and I mean _none, _are you to ever call me captain or sir. My name is Ichigo and that's what you'll call me. And if I even _think _you called me strawberry you will personally face my wrath. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Sir!"

"What did I just say?"

All of the mean looked at each other in horror of their mistake and stumbled over themselves to correct it.

"We mean…Yeah."

Ichigo smirked.

Maybe he could teach these kids something after all.

Two weeks later

Ichigo frowned at the paperwork on his desk, willing it with all his might to disappear.

It didn't.

Instead a knock came from the door leading to his office. Ichigo raised his head wondering who it could be.

"Come in."

The door opened and in walked a shocking sight.

There, standing in all of his emotionless glory, stood Byakuya, and in his hand, held by the scruff of his collar, was one of Ichigo's new subordinates.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"I believe this is yours." Stated Byakuya, calmly dropping the man on the floor.

"Yeah." Replied Ichigo knowing the casualness would tick him off.

Byakuya frowned slightly, but _only_ slightly.

"In the future keep your subordinates under control Kurosaki."

"What'd he do?"

"He asked me if I stuck the branch that my sword's Sakkara petals used to be on up my ass."

Ichigo raised his eyebrow again.

"Did you?"

After that Yamamoto never let Ichigo have members from the Rukongai again, claiming that respect was a lost cause on them if they worked under Ichigo.

Damn Yamamoto.


	2. Noble Clean Up

Chapter Two: Nobel Clean Up

Ichigo stalked down the hallways of squad five wearing a scowl fierce enough to scare off everyone in his path. This was quite an accomplishment seeing as his normal express was a scowl and all of his subordinates were used to it by now.

Ichigo was pissed.

The head captain had told him that he could no longer have members from the Rukongai on his squad. Now all that was left for him were wimpy nobles. All because of a simple question. He actually thought it was a good question.

That didn't seem to help his case any.

Ichigo finally reached the doorway that led out to the fifth squad training ground. He stepped out but remained in the shadow of the door so that he couldn't be seen. He swept his gaze over the new members.

They stood in five rows of five just as they had done the previous year. The only difference was there wasn't a signal rough fetcher or rigid stance among them. They all had regal stances and the superior We-Know-Everything air about them.

Damn nobles.

Ichigo's scowl, amazingly, deepened.

He shook his head stepped and out of the shadows and into the line of sight of the new members.

It might have been the ripped and slightly bloodied captains coat, it may have been the huge sword that was bigger than most of the nobles were themselves lying across his back, or it may just have been the fierce scowl that spoke of murderous intent on his face but for whatever reason every single one of them dropped into a dead faint.

Ichigo sighed and turned to go get a few members of squad four. Not to heal them but to sweep them out of the way.

He needed his training ground.

Damn nobles.


	3. Kenpachi's Lession

Chapter Three: Kenpachi's Lesson

Ichigo sighed, resigned. After last year incident of the fainting flock he was trying his hardest not to scare the kids.

When he had walked out to the training ground this year he was met with the sight of twenty five nobles once again. Only this year they were standing tensely and had lost there We-Know-Everything air. Apparently word got around.

Ichigo opened his and began his new speech. The head captain had said the last one was inappropriate.

"Welcome to squad five! From this moment on I will be your new captain. Please reframe from calling me cap-"

The rest of what he was going to say was cut off by a blood thirsty shout.

"ICHIGO! FIGHT ME DAMN IT!"

Ichigo turned and saw Kenpachi flying at him with his sword raised for an attack. Apparently he had just jumped off of the roof of the nearest building.

It was at that moment that Ichigo finally under stood his dad's "training".

As Kenpachi flew at him at a brake neck speed Ichigo calmly ducked and let him fly over his head. Then he reached up and snatched his heel out of the air and swung him around to add to the larger man's momentum. He then pumped his spiritual presser into him, cancelling out his own and making him as weak as the average human. He then released the heel he had a hold of and watched as he flew off and crashed into a building, creating a crater and sufficiently knocking him out.

He then calmly turned back to the new members and continued his speech as if nothing had happed.

To their credit they didn't faint, they just never walked within twenty feet of him ever again.

Damn Kenpachi.


	4. Assistant Teacher

A/N: To my 13th reviewer (you didn't leave a name) I did not get this idea from you. I already had this and the next chapter written in my notebook, I just haven't had the chance to type it until now. However, I welcome new ideas. I need them otherwise this story will end far too soon for my taste. Anyway, on with the chapter!

Chapter Four: Assistant Teacher

Ichigo tried to keep from shouting, he really did. The past few years alone had shown him that it wasn't the smartest thing to do. Still, the idea was so very tempting.

After three years of new recruit disasters Yamamoto had decide that he could not be trusted with new members alone. As a solution to this rather obvious problem he had assigned Ichigo an assistant teacher. And of course out of all the people in the seireitei he had to pick the worst possible choice.

Rukia.

Of all people it just _had_ to be Rukia.

She walked beside him out onto the training ground, her held high and practically _oozing_ Kuchiki clan air.

For a moment she reminded him of Byakuya.

That didn't help his mood any.

They walked out to see this year's batch of twenty five nobles. This year's group was even more nervous than last years. Some of them were actually shaking and all of them were casting around nerves looks as if expecting a demon to jump out and attack them at any moment.

Then again that would probably be better than there captain.

Ichigo sighed. This just proved his theory that all newbies were wimps.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Rukia and felt a tick of annoyance beginning to form. He looked back at the recruits and opened his _new_ speech. (Yamamoto keeps insisting they were inappropriate.)

"Alright you big bunch of babies-"

Of course he got no farther than that because Rukia proceed to jump up and kick him in the head. Hard.

And thus, began the argument.

"Ow! What the hell was that for, midget?"

"Idiot! You're not supposed to insult the new recruit! And you wonder why they always end up scared of you!"

"I'm not insulting them, I'm telling the truth!"

"Well then keep the truth to yourself! At least try to make them feel comfortable!"

"Why should I? They don't make me feel comfortable!"

"There not supposed to! You're the captain, act like it!"

"If I have to act like a captain then you have to act like a midget! Which means stop hitting me?"

After that Ichigo was unable to continue the argument due to being kicked in a very sensitive area by said midget.

On the bright side the new subordinates weren't scared of him that year. They were, however, absolutely terrified of Rukia.

Take that Yamamoto.


End file.
